Kenapa the best of worlds Art (terutamanya Literature) selalu membuatkan aku rasa kecil? Bukan kecil kerana aku tak mampu menandingi prose atau gaya penulisannya tapi 'kecil' sebagai manusia?

Mungkin inikah tujuan utama Existentialist itu? untuk membuatkan aku rasa kosong?

dan akhirnya persoalan yang sama berjaya dibangkitkan; apa yang membuatkan manusia bahagia? Apa yang manusia dambakan dari kehidupan sebenarnya?

Sense of Ending tidak seperti Coetze's Disgrace yang lebih telus sifatnya. Sense of Ending menggamit andaian dan pelbagai teori lain. Ada yang menyamakan dengan kisah penyisatan Inspektor yang lain. Ah dan juga twist! Dan di internet mereka membuat hujahan masing-masing.

dan entah kenapa, akhirnya aku memilih untuk membaca kembali suicide note dari Virginia Woolf ini;


I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.


'i dont think two people could have been happier than we have been'. ah! entah kenapa hati aku jadi remuk rendai bila baca kalimat terakhir itu. (ini diiringi dengan visual Nicole Kidman sebagai Woolf mencelupkan kakinya kedalam sungai dalam The Hour)


tapi aku terpaksa tulis tentang ini. Dan kalau aku tak post ini sudah tentu takde siapa tahu yang aku dah bersusah payah membaca buku ini kan?